September 28th 2014 5:38
Right now i’m thinking I should take the dogs out. But then I think that I might pass a tree. And want to climb it. So then I think I should go for a longboard. But then, I don’t feel like it. But then… what if I never feel like it and never longboard agian?! What if i’m lazy??? So… maybe I should go for a run.
My god. What am I going to do when i’m older? When i’m living in LA or i’m in a cottage by myself? How am I going to keep myself safe?
Yesterday, I was at the mercy of dares. I was on my knees, literally; because there was a tree above me and I wanted to climb it. Wanted to risk slipping and falling to get that rush. To appease the beast. My sister literally pushed me back, It didn’t matter though. Soon enough I found a roof to climb onto, 10ft off the ground. at an angle where if I had slipped and fallen I could’ve cracked my head on the pavment.
My sister: If you fall and die i’ll be very sad. I walked around on the roof and got some things that had been stuck on it. Then my sister made me promise i’d dangle down. I promised but gave into urges and jumped off from a sitting position. It was either down than I thought and when I landed on the concrete I saw black for a split second.
I did not feel good after. I think it’s at a point where even dares is like “This is flipping ridiculous. You’re even disappointing me! I don’t even have to try that hard.” That’s because when I don’t give in I feel grounded. I want to fly.
I want to swing from the chandelier.